10/08/2024 | Child Development, Parenting
A Guide to Understanding and Supporting Your Child’s Sensory System
As parents, especially those raising neurodivergent children, it's important to understand sensory processing and how it affects our kids.…
How Do I Have Realistic Expectations for My Toddler? Here are 6 Ways.
By: Children's Trust of South Carolina Staff
If you're parenting a toddler, you already know the range of emotions you both are likely to experience in the span of a single day. Your child is still dependent on you for almost everything, yet they're also beginning to explore the world and assert their independence for the first time.
What we expect of our children can depend on what we consider to be normal at different ages. Let’s touch on how we can meet our children where they are with realistic expectations, turning to one of our partners Triple P (Positive Parenting Program).
1. Recognize Developmental Variability.
Embrace the fact that children develop at their own pace. While milestones are helpful guidelines, individual differences are normal, and toddlers may achieve them at different times. Understand that some toddlers may start walking as early as nine months, while others might take their first steps closer to 15 months. Embrace the diversity in developmental timelines, avoiding unnecessary worry or comparison.
While there is a range in mentally appropriate behavior, it is also important to know that range to ensure your child is growing and developing on time. With this knowledge, you recognize if your child needs extra support, such as early intervention. Reference the CDC for specific milestone guidelines specific to your toddler’s age.
2. Expect Emotional Ups and Downs.
Toddlers are learning to navigate a wide range of emotions, and mood swings are common. Recognize that emotional outbursts are a normal part of their development and not necessarily indicative of long-term behavior. If your toddler suddenly throws a tantrum over a minor issue, recognize it as a normal expression of frustration rather than viewing it as a long-term behavioral problem. Offering comfort and understanding can help them navigate these intense emotions that they are still learning to express. While prioritizing your toddler’s emotions is important, remember to also take care of yourself along the way.
3. Be Realistic About Attention Span.
Understand that toddlers have short attention spans. Expecting them to engage in prolonged activities will probably leave everyone frustrated. Keep tasks and play sessions brief, allowing for various stimulating experiences. Instead of expecting a toddler to sit quietly for an extended period, try short, engaging activities. For instance, have a 10-minute play session with building blocks or read a brief story, keeping their short attention span in mind. Research says you can nurture your child’s attention span over time by reading to them or working on a puzzle, helping them learn to focus.
4. Encourage Control in Small Tasks.
While toddlers strive for independence, their abilities are still developing. Encourage age-appropriate independence, such as letting them choose snacks or attempting simple tasks with guidance. Allow your toddler to choose between two options for a snack, fostering a sense of control and independence. While they may not be ready to prepare a full meal, giving them small choices empowers them in age-appropriate ways.
5. Take Care of Yourself.
Before having realistic expectations for your toddler, you must have realistic expectations for yourself. Toddlerhood—and the emotional regulation skills needed to help your child—is no joke as a parent, especially if you have a history of abuse or neglect. Aim for progress over perfection. Every parent makes mistakes, and it is often how we learn.
Even when we expect ups and downs, it can still be very hard to endure the downs. It is important to understand that there is nothing wrong with you or your child for having emotional downs. When your toddler breaks down in the grocery store, for instance, try to be calm and patient, taking the appropriate steps to move forward. You may have to try multiple tactics, such as pausing, holding your child, or playing, before you find a solution. Sometimes, the solution is to just leave and try again later. Remember, your child is trying to connect with you, even if it may not feel that way now.
6. Prioritize Assertive Discipline.
Even if you communicate your expectations clearly, you can still help your toddler by staying alongside them and helping them when they need it. Stay positive by telling them what they should do, rather than what they shouldn’t do. For example, instead of telling them not to drink your coffee, suggest that if they’re thirsty they should drink from their water bottle. This will help them to do the task themselves later down the road.
Try to keep the tasks fun and engaging, so it feels more fun and less like a chore. For example, when it's clean up time, you can turn on some music and make it a fun experience. Showing gratitude for their work, such as thanking them for picking up the blocks helps to make them feel seen and appreciated.
In the whirlwind of parenting toddlers, it's important to acknowledge the incredible journey of discovery and growth your toddler is on with your guidance. Despite the inevitable stress and emotional rollercoaster, remember to navigate your own emotions first, creating a resilient foundation for both you and your toddlers. Maintaining realistic expectations not only alleviates stress, but also fosters a healthier parent-child relationship during this crucial phase of growth and dependence. By embracing the challenges along the way with patience and understanding, you can embrace the rewarding side of parenthood.
To learn more, reference Triple P, experts in the field who offer a free and accessible program.
Child Development ParentingRelated Content
10/04/2024 | Mental health and health, Parenting
Parent Perspective: How to Handle Tough Conversations
We recently sat down with the Children’s Trust Parent Advisory Council, which provides input on prevention programs and services in South…
09/10/2024 | Child Development, Parenting
How Do I Have Realistic Expectations for My Toddler? Here are 6 Ways.
If you're parenting a toddler, you already know the range of emotions you both are likely to experience in the span of a single day. Your…